Category Archives: Uncategorized

Home Alone?

Posted on by
Reply

Every day thousands of children arrive home from school to an empty house. Every week thousands of parents make decisions to leave children home alone while they go to work, run errands, or for social engagements. It is estimated over 40% of children are left home at some time, though rarely overnight. In more extreme situations, some children spend so much time without their parents that these children are labeled “latch key children,” referring to the house or apartment key strung visibly around their neck.

The movie “Home Alone”, and its sequel, have portrayed a child’s survival skills in a very humorous, but unrealistic manner. The realities facing children who find themselves home alone are very different. There are many issues and potential risks and dangers that parents should consider before a child is placed in this situation. Parents should consider the following:

  • Age readiness
  • Definition of parental “rules and expectations”
  • How to access parent(s) or other adults (such as phone numbers)
  • Potentially unsafe situations (e.g. medical emergencies, fire, alcohol, drugs, strangers, guns, etc.)
  • When and how to answer the phone or doorbell
  • Use of phone, 911 for emergencies
  • Use of computer (internet)
  • Friends and visitors coming to the house
  • Responsibilities for siblings
  • Use of unstructured time (e.g. watch TV, videos, etc.);
  • Access to “adult” cable TV; internet chat rooms and adult web sites

It is not possible to make a general statement about when a child can be left home. Many states have laws that hold parents responsible for the supervision of their children. Older adolescents are usually responsible enough to manage alone for limited periods of time. Parents must consider the child’s level of maturity and past evidence of responsible behavior and good judgment. When a child is ready to be left alone, a graduated approach should be used starting with a very short period of time (e.g. 1 hour).

Parents should talk with their youngsters to prepare them for each of the issues or potential problems listed above. In addition, parents should strive to make their home as safe as possible from obvious dangers and hazards and rehearse the developed “emergency plan” with their children. Parents should also teach their child important safety precautions (i.e. locking the door, dealing with strangers or visitors who come to the house, use of the stove, etc.).

Being home alone can be a frightening and potentially dangerous situation for many children and adolescents.  Parents should strive to limit the times when children are home alone.  Parents should prepare their children in advance for how to deal with situations that may arise.

When Sleeping is Not Resting

Posted on by
Reply

Many children have sleep problems. Examples include:

  • Frequent awakening during the night
  • Talking during sleep
  • Difficulty falling asleep
  • Waking up crying
  • Feeling sleepy during the day
  • Having nightmares
  • Bedwetting
  • Teeth grinding and clenching
  • Waking early

Many childhood sleep problems are related to poor sleep habits or to anxiety about going to bed and falling asleep. Persistent sleep problems may also be symptoms of emotional difficulties. “Separation anxiety” is a developmental landmark for young children. For all young children, bedtime is a time of separation. Some children will do all they can to prevent separation at bedtime. However, to help minimize common sleep problems, parents should develop consistent, regular bedtime and sleep routines for children. Parents often find that feeding and rocking help an infant to get to sleep. However, as the child leaves infancy, parents should encourage the child to sleep without feeding and rocking. Otherwise, the child will have a hard time going to sleep alone. Bedtime routines reading stories and teeth-brushing help the child understand it is time for bed.

Nightmares are relatively common during childhood. The child often remembers nightmares, which usually involve major threats to the child’s well-being. Nightmares, which begin at a variety of ages, affect girls more often than boys. For some children nightmares are serious, frequent, and interfere with restful sleep.

Sleep terrors (night terrors), sleepwalking, and sleep talking constitute a relatively rare group of sleep disorders, called “parasomnias.” Sleep terrors are different from nightmares. The child with sleep terrors will scream uncontrollably and appear to be awake, but is confused and can’t communicate. The child usually has no memory of the sleep terror in the morning. Sleep terrors usually begin between ages 4 and 12. Children who sleepwalk may appear to be awake as they move around, but are actually asleep and in danger of hurting themselves. Sleepwalking usually begins between ages 6 and 12. Both sleep terrors and sleepwalking run in families and affect boys more often than girls. Most often, children with these sleep disorders have single or occasional episodes of the disorder.

Fortunately, as they mature, children usually get over common sleep problems as well as the more serious sleep disorders (parasomnias). However, parents with ongoing concerns should contact their pediatrician or a sleep specialist.

Getting Into Sports

Posted on by
Reply

Sports help children develop physical skills, get exercise, make friends, have fun, learn to play as a member of a team, learn to play fair, and improve self-esteem. American sports culture has increasingly become a money making business. The highly stressful, competitive, “win at all costs” attitude prevalent at colleges and with professional athletes affects the world of children’s sports and athletics; creating an unhealthy environment. It is important to remember that the attitudes and behavior taught to children in sports carry over to adult life. Parents should take an active role in helping their child develop good sportsmanship. To help your child get the most out of sports, you need to be actively involved. This includes:

  • providing emotional support and positive feedback,
  • attending some games and talking about them afterward,
  • having realistic expectations for your child,
  • learning about the sport and supporting your child’s involvement,
  • helping your child talk with you about their experiences with the coach and other team members,
  • helping your child handle disappointments and losing, and
  • modeling respectful spectator behavior.

Although this involvement takes time and creates challenges for work schedules, it allows you to become more knowledgeable about the coaching, team values, behaviors, and attitudes. Your child’s behavior and attitude reflects a combination of the coaching and your discussions about good sportsmanship and fair play.

It is also important to talk about what your child observes in sports events. When bad sportsmanship occurs, discuss other ways the situation could be handled. While you might acknowledge that in the heat of competition it may be difficult to maintain control and respect for others, it is important to stress that disrespectful behavior is not acceptable. Remember, success is not the same thing as winning and failure is not the same thing as losing.

If you are concerned about the behavior or attitude of your child’s coach, you may want to talk with the coach privately. As adults, you can talk together about what is most important for the child to learn. While you may not change a particular attitude or behavior of a coach, you can make it clear how you would like your child to be approached. If you find that the coach is not responsive, discuss the problem with the parents responsible for the school or league activities. If the problem continues, you may decide to withdraw your child.

As with most aspects of parenting, being actively involved and talking with your children about their life is very important. Being proud of accomplishments, sharing in wins and defeats, and talking to them about what has happened helps them develop skills and capacities for success in life. The lessons learned during children’s sports will shape values and behaviors for adult life.

The Problem With Moving

Posted on by
Reply

Moving to a new community may be one of the most stress-producing experiences a family faces.  Frequent moves or even a single move can be especially hard on children and adolescents.  Studies show children who move frequently are more likely to have problems at school.  Moves are even more difficult if accompanied by other significant changes in the child’s life, such as a death, divorce, loss of family income, or a need to change schools.


Moves interrupt friendships.  To a new child at school, it may at first seem that everyone else has a best friend or is securely involved with a group of peers.  The child must get used to a different schedule and curriculum, and may be ahead in certain subjects and behind in others. This situation may make the child stressed, anxious or bored.

Children in kindergarten or first grade may be particularly vulnerable to a family move because developmentally they are just in the process of separating from their parents and adjusting to new authority figures and social relationships.  The relocation can interfere with that normal process of separation by causing them to return to a more dependent relationship with their parents.

In general, the older the child, the more difficulty he or she will have with the move because of the increasing importance of the peer group.  Pre-teens and teenagers may repeatedly protest the move, or ask to stay in their hometown with a friend’s family.  Some youngsters may not talk about their distress, so parents should be aware of the warning signs of depression, including changes in appetite, social withdrawal, a drop in grades, irritability, sleep disturbances or other dramatic changes in behavior or mood.
Children who seem depressed by a move may be reacting more to the stress they are experiencing than to the relocation.  Sometimes one parent may be against the move, and children will sense and react to this parental discord.

If the child shows persistent signs of depression or distress, parents can ask their family doctor, their pediatrician, or the local medical society to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist. The child and adolescent psychiatrist can evaluate and treat the child’s emotional problems which may be associated with stress and also help parents make the transition and new experience easier for the whole family.


To make the move easier on children, parents may take these steps:

  •     Explain clearly to the children why the move is necessary.
  •     Familiarize the children as much as possible with the new area with maps, photographs or the daily newspaper.
  •     Describe advantages of the new location that the child might appreciate such as a lake, mountain or an amusement park.
  •     After the move, get involved with the children in activities of the school, local church or synagogue, PTA, scouts, YMCA, etc.
  •     If a son or daughter is a Senior in high school, consider the possibility of letting him or her stay with a trusted family until the school year is over.
  •     Let children participate in designing or furnishing their room.
  •     Help children keep in touch with friends from the previous neighborhood through telephone, letters, e-mail, and personal visits.  And with social media, staying in contact on a daily basis is much easier than it used to be.

The more frequently a family moves, the more important is the need for internal stability.  With the proper attention from parents, and professional help if necessary, moving can be a positive growth experience for children, leading to increased self-confidence and interpersonal skills.

 

Is Your Child Wetting His Bed?

Posted on by
Reply

Many parents are concerned when their child continues to wet their bed at night past the age of three years old. Since most children begin to stay dry through the night around three years of age their concerns are valid.  However, child and adolescent psychiatrists stress that bedwetting is a fairly common symptom and not a disease.  Occasional accidents may occur, often when the child is ill.  Parents need to be understanding particularly if the child has been able to have a majority of dry nights.

Some facts parents should know about bedwetting are:

  • Approximately 15 percent of children wet the bed after the age of three
  • Many more boys than girls wet their beds
  • Bedwetting runs in families
  • Usually bedwetting stops by puberty
  • Most bedwetters do not have emotional problems

Persistent bedwetting beyond the age of three or four rarely signals a kidney or bladder problem.  Bedwetting may sometimes be related to a sleep disorder.  In most cases, it is due to the development of the child’s bladder control being slower than normal.  Bedwetting may also be the result of the child’s tensions and emotions that require attention.

There are a variety of emotional reasons for bedwetting.  For example, when a young child begins bedwetting after several months or years of dryness during the night, this may reflect new fears or insecurities.  Often, this may follow changes or events which make the child feel insecure, such as:  moving to a new home, parents divorce, losing a family member or loved one, or the arrival of a new baby or child in the home.

Parents should remember that children rarely wet on purpose, and usually feel ashamed about the incident.  Rather than make the child feel ashamed, parents need to encourage the child and express confidence that he or she will soon be able to stay dry at night. Parents may help children who wet the bed by:

  • Limiting liquids before bedtime
  • Encouraging the child to go to the bathroom before bedtime
  • Praising the child on dry mornings
  • Avoiding punishments
  • Waking the child during the night to empty their bladder

Treatment for bedwetting in children usually includes behavioral conditioning devices (pad/buzzer) and/or medications if behavioral interventions are unsuccessful. In rare instances, the problem of bedwetting cannot be resolved by the parents, the family physician or the pediatrician.  Sometimes the child may also show symptoms of emotional problems–such as persistent sadness or irritability, or a change in eating or sleeping habits.  In these cases, parents may want to talk with a child and adolescent therapist, who will evaluate physical and emotional problems that may be causing the bedwetting, and will work with the child and parents to resolve these problems. Early supportive intervention will help minimize the potential emotional impact of persistent bedwetting on the child.

All About Peer Pressure

Posted on by
Reply

Kids often give in to peer pressure because they want to fit in. They want to be liked and they worry that they may be left out or made fun of if they don’t go along with the group.

The following are some tips to help kids deal with peer pressure:

→ Stay away from peers who pressure you to do things that seem wrong or dangerous.

→ Learn how to say “no,” and practice how to avoid or get out of situations which feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

→ Spend time with other kids who resist peer pressure. It helps to have at least one friend who is also willing to say “no.”

→ If you have problems with peer pressure, talk to a grown up you trust, like a parent, teacher or school counselor.

Parents can also help by recognizing when their child is having a problem with peer pressure. The following are tips for parents to help your child deal with peer pressure:

→ Encourage open and honest communication. Let kids know they can come to you if they’re feeling pressure to do things that seem wrong or risky.

→ Teach your child to be assertive and to resist getting involved in dangerous or inappropriate situations or activities.

→ Get to know your child’s friends. If issues or problems arise, share your concerns with their parents.

→ Help your child develop self-confidence. Kids who feel good about themselves are less vulnerable to peer pressure.

→ Develop backup plans to help kids get out of uncomfortable or dangerous situations. For example, let them know you’ll always come get them, no questions asked, if they feel worried or unsafe.

If your child has ongoing difficulties with peer pressure, talk to his or her teacher, principal, school counselor or family doctor. Hopefully everything will be resolved in no time.

 

Working with Social Media

Posted on by
Reply

Social Networking Sites play an important role in the lives of many young people. Over 60% of 13-17 year olds have at least one profile on a social site, many spending more than 2 hours per day on these sites.

Social networking sites can present opportunities to youth who participate in them but like any activity there are also associated risks and it’s important for parents to help their children use these sites wisely.

Some potential benefits include staying connected to friends, developing new social contacts with peers with similar interests, sharing content of self-expression such as art work, music and political views, and developing and expressing your individual identity.

However, there are also risk such as bullying online, also known as “cyber bullying,” sharing too much information, vulnerability to predatory adults, sharing photos or video that you later regret, exposure to large amounts of commercial advertisements which may not be age appropriate, risk of identity theft, and reduced amount of time for physical activity.

If your child is thinking about using social networking sites there are many ways to help them use them safely and appropriately. Discuss freely with your child and guide them in their usage of social networking sites by suggesting they:

  • Keep control of their information by restricting access to their page
  • Keep their full name, address, telephone number, social security number and bank or credit card number to themselves
  • Post only information they are comfortable with everyone seeing.  Remind them that once something is posted online it’s there forever.  Employers routinely check social sites and google when researching potential employees.  Although they may not be concerned about this now, they must think about the future.
  • Talk to their parents before considering meeting anyone face to face they have met on line and review the risks involved

Young people need support and education to develop the skills needed to understand the risks and opportunities of social networking sites so talk to your child before they sign up for an account about:

  • The rules in your household on social networking sites
  • The monitoring you will do on their internet usage
  • The limits on time allowed on these sites that may occur if their usage interferes with family time or external social activities.

Social networking sites are a widely accepted part of many teenagers’ lives and proactive parenting can help them be a fun part of their teenager’s social life.

 

How To Handle Television

Posted on by
Reply

Television viewing is a major activity and influence on children and adolescents. Children in the United States watch an average of three to four hours of television a day. By the time of High School Graduation, they will have spent more time watching television than they have in the classroom. While television can entertain, inform, and keep our children company, it may also influence them in undesirable ways.

Time spent watching television takes away from important activities such as reading, school work, playing, exercise, family interaction, and social development.

Children also learn information from television that may be inappropriate or incorrect. They often cannot tell the difference between the fantasy presented on television versus reality. They are influenced by the thousands of commercials seen each year, many of which are for alcohol, junk food, fast foods, and toys.

Experts say that Children who watch a lot of television are likely to:

• have lower grades in school

• read fewer books

• exercise less

• be overweight

Violence, sexuality, race and gender stereotypes, drug and alcohol abuse are common themes of television programs. Young children are impressionable and may assume that what they see on television is typical, safe, and acceptable. As a result, television also exposes children to behaviors and attitudes that may be overwhelming and difficult to understand.

Active parenting can ensure that children have a positive experience with television. Parents can help by:

• viewing programs with your children

• selecting developmentally appropriate shows

• placing limits on the amount of television viewing (per day and per week)

• turning off the tv during family meals and study time

• turning off shows you don’t feel are appropriate for your child

In addition, parents can help by doing the following: Don’t allow children to watch long blocks of TV, but help them select individual programs. Choose shows that meet the developmental needs of your child. Children’s shows on public TV are appropriate, but soap operas, adult sitcoms, and adult talk shows are not. Set certain periods when the television will be off.  Study times are for learning, not for sitting in front of the TV doing homework.  Meal times are a good time for family members to talk with each other, not for watching television.

Encourage discussions with your children about what they are seeing as you watch shows with them. Point out positive behavior, such as cooperation, friendship, and concern for others.
While watching, make connections to history, books, places of interest, and personal events. Talk about your personal and family values as they relate to the show. Ask children to compare what they are watching with real events. Talk about the realistic consequences of violence. Discuss the role of advertising and its influence on buying. Encourage your child to be involved in hobbies, sports, and peers. With proper guidance, your child can learn to use television in a healthy and positive way!

Imitating Grown-Ups

Posted on by
Reply

It is true what they say that children learn best by observing the behavior of adults. While children will always have their own personality and emotions, they are constantly influenced by their environment. To ensure you provide them with the best start, it pays to consider how your own behaviors affect theirs.

Parents set examples for their children. Not only do kids look to their parents to learn the appropriate reactions in dire situations, but they also tend to absorb the energy and personality of their sole providers. If you exude negativity in stressful or worrisome instances, your behavior is bound to influence your child. In today’s blog we will be taking a deeper look at how common parenting traits affect the well-being and emotional growth of children.

From their very first day after they are born, children need to be nurtured and protected by their parents. When communication other than eye contact is impossible, observation is the only way infants learn and adapt to their surroundings. When a small baby is rocked and held, feelings of happiness and love are present. When a baby is left to cry and panic, his anxiety and fear peaks to an ultimate high. During these moments, babies look to their parents to provide the calming and soothing environment they require. For this reason, many parents consider attachment parenting techniques. As babies grow and mature, young children learn best by observing behavior of adults in the home.

Effort and Commitment

Do you want to be his role model? Teach him that anything is possible with commitment and effort. It’s wonderful to set family or personal goals and demonstrate how to reach them. If you want to change the family eating habits, sit down and draw up the goals with your children. Go over healthy living choices and make commitments. Kids love challenges, and seeing their parents excel at goals helps them feel confident enough to take their own risks.

Love and Balance

Are you a lover? A nurturer? Do you have a caring heart? These traits are always absorbed by children, so make sure you extend compassion and love liberally in the family home. Teach kids the importance of caring for animals and donating to worthy causes. When kids are raised with a compassionate heart, they are more likely to grow up with confidence and respect for others.

Arguing

Most parents and spouses have had the occasional spat in front of their kids without considering how their kids may perceive the argument. Tension in family homes makes everyone uncomfortable, including teenagers and newborn babies. While arguing is natural and at times unavoidable, you should always make sure you kiss and make up with your partner in front of your children to ensure their feelings of safety and peace. Since children learn best by observing behavior of adults, if you are constantly arguing with your partner, chances are your children will bring these negative traits into their own relationships. If arguments in the home escalate to a physical form such as domestic or child abuse, it’s crucial you remove yourself and your child from the home and seek a healthy living arrangement. If you are the abuser, recognize your tendencies and seek immediate help or surrender child custody.

 

Money Management

Money management is another important trait that affects children. No matter your income level, parents should avoid phrases such as “we can’t afford it,” or “we’re broke.” Money makes every child feel secure and ensures that basic needs will be met. If you can’t afford an expensive toy or his favorite box of cereal, rephrase your comment along the lines of “Sorry, it’s not in the budget this week. We save money so we have money when we need it.” Parents who teach kids the value of a dollar are more likely to raise children with healthy work and financial ethics.

Drug and Alcohol Abuse

If you have an alcohol or drug dependency, it is crucial you seek treatment as soon as possible. Children are influenced by drugs in the family home, and substance abuse carries many risks. Children of parents who were drug or alcohol abusers are always more likely to succumb to the addiction. If you are unable to treat your condition while maintaining child custody, seek the help of family members for support and guidance.

It is always crucial that we learn how to act appropriately in front of children. There will always be times when we forget to do so, however, effort needs to be exerted so as to provide them a strong foundation that they can always rely on as they grow up. After all, we are looking after their best interests.

**Thank you Love To Know for working hand in hand with us when it comes to parenting ♥

Picking a Solution for Picky Eaters

Posted on by
Reply

Almost every family has a story to tell about toddlers and their eating discoveries and habits. Some children are happy to try new things, while others make mealtime a major challenge for their parents by refusing to stray beyond the few foods they’ll allow to touch their plates. If you have a toddler who falls into the picky eater category, don’t despair! There are some strategies you can try to broaden his food boundaries.

It is said that a lot of time it has to do with what the parents or caregivers are feeding the toddlers when they started eating solid food. For example, the Gerber Feeding Infants and Toddlers survey found that the vegetable most consumed by little ones was French fries. That is about the time when children’s taste preferences begin to develop. Giving toddlers who are 1 to 3 years old cookies, hot dogs, French fries, and other junk food can create taste preferences for those foods that are high-salt, high-fat, and high-sugar which is obviously deviating from the healthy norm.

Experts explain that babies are born with a taste for sweet things because breast milk is sweet. Over time, the taste for bitter or sour develops. Broccoli may be too strong for a 2-year-old toddler, but it depends on how the parents introduce and incorporate it into meals, as well.

One of the solutions is to introduce a variety of foods as soon as a toddler starts eating solid food. Getting a toddler to try the new foods doesn’t have to be a war either.

Here are some positive ways to get your toddler to give healthy foods a try:

☮ Don’t make a big deal out of healthy food.

☮ Allow your toddler to help choose healthy foods. Give him three options and allow him to choose one.

☮ Make fun shapes and forms with food. Vegetables can be easily arranged into a clown face, for example.

☮ Let kids dip. Use spreads like cottage cheese, peanut butter, or low-fat salad dressings with vegetables and fruits.

☮ Never make eating a punishment. For example, don’t tell a toddler he can’t have dessert until he finishes his meal.

☮ Set a good example. Parents should start eating healthy in front of their children to instill that value.

 ☮ Avoid juices, sweetened drinks, or snacks too close to mealtime.

☮ Get over a food jag. If your child likes only one food, meal after meal (food jag), let him have it. But be sure to offer other foods at every meal before that favorite food is presented. Food jags don’t cause harm and typically don’t last very long.

☮ If your child goes on an eating strike, let it happen. Set limits, be supportive, and don’t be scared to let your toddler go hungry.  If he’s hungry enough, he’ll eat.

☮ Give new foods a try. Put a small portion of a new type of food on the toddler’s plate. She doesn’t have to eat it, but keep putting it on her plate so that she becomes more familiar with the new, healthy food. Over time, she’ll eventually give it a try.

Keep these pointers in mind as you work to coax picky eaters to indulge in healthy options. It is always best that our kids start living healthy while they are young to avoid developing diseases that can haunt them while growing up.